You’ve been planning your wedding for months, your wedding day is almost
here, and you find yourself looking forward to the “honeymoon.” Be it blissful
days on sun-drenched beaches, an exotic journey across Europe, backpacking in
the Rockies, volunteering in a developing country, or just spending time with
families and friends who’ve traveled to be here to celebrate the two of you, in
today's world, the honeymoon is the time the newlyweds spend together after
their wedding to celebrate their marriage prior to settling into their new life
together at home.
Honeymoon – where did this word come from and what does it mean? Folklore
had couples, on every day for a period of thirty days, drink from a vessel
containing mead laced with honey. (An example of “taking the bitter with the
sweet”). This “month of honey” or “moon of honey” later became known as the
honeymoon. Today, it’s more along the lines of a much-needed break before
resuming work and responsibilities. The love and affection of a newly-wed couple
has been compared to the phases of the moon, and once it (both the moon and
their love) becomes full, it immediately begins to wane. So, the honeymoon also
runs parallel to the couple’s own journey of transition into the married state.
We've all heard the dreaded phrase, "Well it looks like the honeymoon's over!"
And isn't every newly-married couple's intent to sustain the bliss of the
honeymoon? Is this realistic or simply a fantasy?
Here are some tips to help keep the full moon from going into a total
eclipse:
Keep Talking- Remember when you first got to know each other and you could
talk for hours on end, hanging on every word and never getting tired of listening
to each other -- never running out of things to say? Keep the conversation going!
Be interested and interesting! Allowing yourselves to become bored or stale dries
up conversation and this can be sad and tragic.
Listen With Love- Even if you've heard it a million times, allow your partner to
tell you that stupid joke or old story. Look into their eyes when they speak to you
and don't multi-task. Give them your undivided attention. Looking into someone's
eyes when they speak to you provides connection and emotional intimacy. It
enables them to speak freely and often encourages them to tell you more.
Schedule a Date Night- All the fun you had prior to the wedding can usually
continue if you remain mindful of the importance of doing things as a couple.
Work, household chores, family obligations – all these things have a way of
getting in the way of good quality time to spend as a couple. Just as you
schedule meetings, family events, trips to the dentist – schedule time with each
other. It will pay off.
Shift to Curiosity- Complacency is deadly! Try not to let your new life together
become boring or routine. Build in new and fun things to do together. Surprise
your partner with a little note in their briefcase, put a chocolate heart on their
pillow, call them just to let them know you are thinking about them. Do the
unexpected and create excitement. Consciously work at all the little things that
add up and make a difference.
Be a Best Friend- Provide a safe harbor for your mate! Let them know they can
always rely on you to be there for them, regardless of how bad your day was.
Validate their importance and put them first. The best way to keep a friend is to
be a friend. Don't ever forget it.
Grow Yourself- Remember, you are an equal participant in the relationship.
Things will not be perfect all the time, nor will your partner! If things start to wane
and your rose-colored glasses begin to fog, focus on the good things you love
and enjoy about your partner while taking an honest look at yourself. See what
ways you might be contributing to any stress in the relationship and hold yourself
to the same standard to which you hold your mate. Do not ask him/her to change
unless you, too, are willing to do your part.
Change Happens! They say the only person who welcomes a change is a wet
baby – and even they cry in the process! Your blissful life will take unexpected
turns. You will have ups and downs. And you will need the resiliency to get
through it as individuals, and as a couple. The shifts that occur can derail you
and cause you to lose focus on what's really important. Take time to stop,
regroup and reaffirm your commitment to the relationship. Be open and focus on
the things you can control.
It’s OK to Ask for Help- If you find you're losing the romance, and you fear the
honeymoon might be over or even nearing an end, express this to your mate!
Seek the help of a relationship coach who can help you through as a couple. And
in the process, plan a second honeymoon! A great way to celebrate any
milestone and reignite the passion you originally felt for each other. Allow the full
moon to shine brightly on you, your partner, and your relationship!
About Rev. Carolyn
I have been officiating weddings, celebrations-of-life (for people and pets) and
baby namings since 1989 and a practicing holistic psychotherapist since 1986. In
2008 I added relationship coaching to the “life enrichment skills” I offer couples.
As an ordained and licensed Interfaith minister and hospice chaplain I honor all
paths and lifestyles. I feel very blessed to officiate 100+ weddings per season
and still absolutely love it after 20 years!. Couples receive a copy of my 120-page
multi-cultural ceremony & ritual guidebook to help in the creation of their
ceremony. Relationship coaching is offered for individuals, couples and groups
via private sessions, seminars, workshops and teleclasses.
I graduated from UCLA and the New Seminary with degrees in psychology, and
spiritual counseling. A life-long student, I have explored and studied new thought
and ancient wisdom religions and teachings and am certified in whole foods
nutrition, clinical hypnotherapy, relationship coaching, and EFT.
Please visit my website for additional information and schedule of events:
www.sunflowerweddings.com
Sunflower Weddings & Beyond
Your dating, mating and celebrating expert
